You Call Me Pastor Tibbs*

*With gratitude to Sidney Poitier in The Blackboard Jungle who, at the end of his metaphorical rope, roared at his students: "You call me Mister Tibbs." 

While rinsing out the yogurt containers this morning, I was reflecting on the eternal insistence on being addressed as Pastor. What prompted this reflection was a Facebook post from a clerical colleague, now in another part of the country. We were both in our first pastoral calls about the same time in the same city. (As well as discussion with a pastoral text study group in which I am often the only woman at the table, and my own memories of why I let congregants know that "Pastor" is what to call me.)

This good man is almost a generation younger than I am, maybe 15 years. He posted with sharp and vivid language expressing both sympathy for colleagues who are women and a calling to account among colleagues who are men.

He'd shared something that another person had posted about what I'll call casual misogyny.

My comment to my colleague on this post was simple. "All. The. Time."

At a recent gathering of my denomination in my state, the assembly watched a video. I'd seen it before. It showed pastors who are men reading and responding on camera to a collection of statements and questions that pastors who are women have heard. The statements are recent, not dated. Recent, as in, some within the last year. See the video here.

The NC Conference of the United Methodist Church has a similar video on Vimeo, although I am unable at the moment to find a working link.

I am diminished when my colleagues who are men tell those they serve, "Call me Firstname." I am diminished when my colleagues who are women do the same. I am not a person of color. I am not a gender other than the one with which I was born. I remain profoundly grateful for colleagues such as my friend in another part of the country who advocate, who raise their voices, from their positions as pastors who are cis-gender* white males, for pastors who are women. 

What happens when you and I ask a person how she or he would like to be addressed? What happens when you and I ask a person, "What are your pronouns?" Does it diminish me? If it diminishes you, what about it is diminutive to you? 

*cis-gender, or cisgender: The gender at birth is the gender with which you identify.