Give and Take

The power of compromise has almost atrophied in today's society. To look at the national stage, it's clear that for at least the last quarter century, those in power find it more expedient to hold to their positions than to work with the opposition, much less to compromise. What used to be considered civilized give-and-take is now viewed as unforgivable weakness.

Part of it might be the increasing isolation in which we often find ourselves. It is possible, even easy, to go through an entire day without a single human transaction. We have to make an effort to engage with others. As a result, I think we've all become accustomed not only to instant results but also to instant gratification. Anything that doesn't put my needs, and me, first, is unacceptable. We've lost the example of compromise.

Which is why it was so satisfying when, last night, I found myself on the receiving end of it.

For several years now, I've been in a knitting group that meets on Monday evenings. We started at a local chain restaurant and coffee shop, then migrated to a small local coffee shop. We floundered for a while after that shop closed, before fetching up at the cafe of a large chain bookstore.

But six weeks ago, the family moved. We are now much closer to work, and we love our new home. But it also makes the Monday-night gathering a 45-minute drive. I got to thinking about it, and that's quite a haul: an hour and a half in the car for an hour of knitting and good company. As much as I enjoyed the evening, some nights it was just too much. Which is why I had missed the last two weeks.

One of the other members lives out my way, and a third lives about two minutes from the cafe. So when I made my proposition, I knew that it would mean a challenge for the one who lives so close that she could, if she chose, walk to the cafe.

I suggested a coffee shop much closer to me. There would be downsides, but it's probably safer for my budget not to be meeting in a bookstore. To be honest, it was the one knitting buddy who was making all the compromise (is it really a compromise if one side is doing all the moving?).

I worked it out. The new location, while it would mean a 20-minute drive for her, would be 13 minutes away for our other friend and 15 minutes away for me. It couldn't be more balanced.

After a little good-natured grumbling, our knitting buddy accepted. It's going to make my Monday evenings much easier. But more than that, I've been the recipient of a little seasonal grace. Because my friend exercised compromise, we'll be able to have more time together, more time socializing, and more time practicing the lost art of give and take.