Under Control

 It seems as though so much of emotional health is related to control. Trying to control unwise impulses; deciding whether to let other people's words and actions live rent-free in my head; controlling my breathing, my heart rate, my blood pressure. "Let It Go" was a huge pop-music hit not only because the Disney movie Frozen was so popular but also because people of all ages could relate to the tempting advice.

The pandemic has ramped up the issue of control for many of us. We cannot control, for example, other people's mask-wearing and distancing practices. We cannot control business owners' decisions about policies in their stores. 

And for many of us, it seems, the pandemic made it challenging to control our weight. A British Weight Watchers study reported that nearly half the nation put on some pounds in the early months of the virus, when many people were stuck at home. A U.S. study from July showed the same results. [1] And for front-line workers who were not able to stay home, workplace stress, combined with gestures of appreciation that tended to take the form of doughnuts, pizza, and cookies - meant an increase of close to 15 pounds. There's no study to cite for that one, just first-hand experience.

I've battled my weight all my life. Even pictures of me from age 4 or 5 show a sturdy child. Once puberty hit, I had a grown woman's build by age 14. I admire my great-grandfather, a blacksmith from rural Maryland, but I could do without his barrel rib cage and stocky build. I've lost weight and gained it back more times than I care to remember.

The last couple of years, I've found myself in a healthy place with weight control. That is, I had until COVID came calling. The gym closed - and that's not all. Because I work in a senior-living facility, staff stress levels were through the roof. We struggled to provide best care and abundant living for the residents even when their loved ones couldn't visit and the residents had to wear masks and eat their meals in their rooms. 

The numbers on the scale climbed. And I wasn't alone. Co-workers reported similar gains. 

Thankfully, I pulled the brake on what I knew to be unhealthy habits. I began working out at home and returned to making choices that made my body happier with what I was eating. And I'm back to where I want to be. Curiously, this shift hasn't felt like being controlled; it's felt like taking control.

At a time when it feels that so much in life is beyond my control, it feels good to be in control of something. And, really, it's been a reminder that so much of emotional health has to do with similar choices. I don't have to be in charge of the world. I don't need to vent about choices that other people make. And that's healthier too.

[1] https://www.weightwatchers.com/uk/covid-19-lockdown-weight-gain; https://www.foxbusiness.com/lifestyle/coronavirus-weight-gain-76-americans-nutrisystem